my new personal statement

ternyata galau itu menyebalkan... especially for me...

let me tell you about my self... well, maybe some of you, by now... quite know my self for a long time and maybe can guess what kind of person is me...

for me... I'm a person who consider know my self quite well... I know what I want and sometimes I know how to get what I want...

just like every body else, though sometimes maybe I don't know exactly what I need... but that's okay... at least, I'm not the kind who confused for what they want in first place...

and some times a go, I think I know what the answer of "how do you see yourself in 5 years?"

I can easily answer: I want children and stayed at home...
then something happened at work, whether it's happened before or after I came up with the above answer is immaterial...

well... I won't get promoted in near future or even for a couple of years more... due to some bullshit excuses my bosses came up... so... whatever right? I should don't really care, since I'm not in this career path for a long term...

but still it pissed me up so much... still that hurts my pride, that even though I work good, that's not good enough...

then... after that lousy lunch... I got mad... but then I still have to go the office right?

that was our second formal meeting with the new CEO... and then... he said something that totally different with my bosses point of view... he said... eventhough there might some people who don't like me, I still got to do what best for the company... I still got to be the CEO...
I wanted to laugh and said.. here that!!

and just last Tuesday, I got appointed to join the Training for Trainers training, my new CEO came to open the training and gave us some tips how to get promoted...
of course I noted the lists... but then again... how that they good if my bosses have different opinion about me...
that's what I thought at the moment... and I really want to ask him... is that tips for real? what kind of certainty that he would keep his words? I really wanted to ask that but I don't want to look a whinny kind of person in front of the others... I don't want to say that I've been in a situation that his lists is not working...

do you want to know the lists? I'll post that later and share to you... they are really good things...

of course I denied my self from asking the question to him... but then he stroke me (I don't know if the other audiences are having the same feeling as me or not) with saying: my daugther always said that only stupid people don't have question...

and he looked sad... and I felt that I just dissapointed him... and especially I don't want to be included as stupid people... :d

and sometimes later within these couple of days, suddenly I wanted to look good in front of him professionally... and I will make damned sure he sees my best of me...

but what about my own goals? you see the contradiction right?

yeah... I know... no matter how fast it is... it is still better to do good than do nothing... or sulked and do average jobs...
everybody can do average jobs...

I have did that trick and degradating my self is not working, I hate my self after that... it poors me... I want to enrich my self... and not to lower my standards...

I think I want to write him an email instead... and say I'm sorry that I don't pose a question to him... and I do have a question, even better I have so many of them...

I'll get back with the result, okay guys?? and I'm feeling better already... thank you for reading, I love you all...