Other People Opinion

Udah lama banget gak nulis2... sebenernya bukan karena gak ada yang mau ditulis, ide2 sih berkeliaran, tapi menyempatkan untuk menulis itu yang luar biasa susah...
And to be honest, can't say that I didn't have time either... sometimes, it's hard to get up and write or even read... it's sad...

Kadang juga bukan kurang 'keinginan' dan susah juga kalo dibilang kurang motivasi, tapi in general yaa itu lah... klo udah tiduran berasa susah bangun... dan waktu terbuang percuma untuk leyeh2 ngabisin waktu...

Kemaren sempet punya keinginan untuk main game, sempet download game di handphone, ternyata kadang 2 sampe 3 jam hilang begitu aja... hasilnya aku malah cranky karena entahlah... kepala isinya butek sama gambar layar handphone yang isinya game itu tadi...
Like an addiction... yeah, maybe it is...

Have I shared that I now in a new division and department in my company? Doing 'almost' completely different thing?
Yeah, if I haven't then now you know :D

Anyway, I'll share about it another time...

Sekarang lagi kepikiran sama 'motivasi' kita melakukan sesuatu...
Pernah gak sih kepikiran atau memikirkan motif kenapa kita melakukan sesuatu...

For example, I just colored my hair, which now is completely different motivation from why I colored my hair, say 20 years ago... Even though, I still love to color my hair with say red color, back then it's because I want to... right now, maybe even it's also because I have to... because I need to cover my gray hair up...

Even though, I want to let the gray hair the way they are... because there are people that do want to have their hair with grey color anyway... I think I still need to do my grey hair cover up... because... yeah, because general consensus said that grey hair means old...

If we think again, so what's wrong with looking old anyway? Right?

It's because we see other people then we thought of what they thought about us, at least in general, at least of how we present our self...

Lately I like to wear a 'natural' color lipstick... which almost invisible... means that I know I looked that I'm not wear any... and my other make up also never really bold...
And a friend said I looked pale and why do I not wear any make up...
See...

Not that I have obligations to change other opinion of how I look, it's just that I felt that I need to somehow change...

Do you relate with this?

Sometimes, I feel that if only I can stay at home and just don't need to see people... than I can be whatever I want to be or look to be...
But hey, what would I be then?

As of now, I almost don't have any 'real' friends left... except my husband of course, but he too becomes busier and busier than ever, and sometimes I feel that he too forgets that he has me at home...
I don't know... I do have 'friends'... but... yeah, I hope you understand what I mean...