hhhuuaaa... akhirnya this week is not really as i meant it to be... :D

hihi... seperti biasa gak bisa mendisiplinkan diri sendiri... :b
udah bikin jadwal mo fitness kan? dapet berapa hari? cuma 2 hari, senin pagi - just jogging karena telat bangun sama hari selasa malem - Tai Chi... the rest of the week... karena feeling insecure and sad... capek juga... jadilah gak ke gym sama sekali... i'm good of finding excuses! :b

i'm been thinking that thinking all the time is not bad at all... mungkin aku memang belum bisa melakukan 'unthinking' and free from the mind... since i'm feeling lost not to think and not to feel...

and now... i'm start thinking again... and i want to write my story... no dont ask me yet what i'm going to write... just that i need to get out from my world and i need to find a new world or make a new world of my own...

i've been feeling of having no choice...
i stuck at my current job... just because i'm feeling overwhelming without support from any one... no... i know i'm exaggerating... i get help but what i'm doing too many things by my self so i couldnt help other... i need help to do mine so i could help other to do theirs...

kenapa merasa gak ada pilihan, karena i'm feeling uncomfortable of applying a new job... i hate the process and now i'm not good at it and it makes me felt that i'm incompetence...

i couldnt just quit my job like i did before, since now... my baby have his own business, but it has not run very well, so i couldnt burden him with my self and i have plan too... i could afford to let it unrealized if i quit my income by quitting my job...

sure, i still have a choice of applying to my previous job, perhaps they would love to see me again and take me in... but wouldnt that be doing the same mistake i'll regret?

i know i regret of getting my self out of there, but when i'm being out, would it be stupid to let my self in again... since i know the condition, since i know i'm going to feel the same feeling that make me want to quit from there?

am i insane then?

hahaha... mungkin gak sebegitu parahnya sih... i know i supposed everything will be easier... tapi gak mesti juga kan?

so what choice do i have left?
gak ada kan?
bukannya bakalan aneh klo aku tiba2 memutuskan kembali kesana?
klo menurut aku sendiri sih bakalan aneh... and people can talk anything we'd like... dan tetep aja aneh menurut aku...

dan bukannya aku gak 'seneng' ninggalin kantor yang sekarang, tapi aku koq ngerasa berkhianat yah?
hehe... the same feeling... merasa kasian sama orang2 yang akan aku tinggalin... :b

sssooo... i guess... all i can do just hanging in there... kerja baik2... and find some distractions... :)

sayangnya laptop-ku sering dipake my baby... jadi gak bisa nulis2 dengan bebas klo aku punya waktu...
karena di kantor jangan harap aku bakalan punya waktu... bwat buka web aja hampir2 gak sempet apalagi baca2 blog, buka facebook aja disempet2in... :b

yaaahhh... jadi disempet2in aja lah... kapan2 bisa make laptop kaya' sekarang... :)

dan btw, soal bahasa perancis, i know i'm not a quitter [been thinking of the contrary though... ] i guess, i'm failed of yesterday un-studying exam... hehehe... i'm quit taking french lesson... au revoir mon francais... :D

tapi klo lulus... i promise my self that i'm going to be able to speak the language by the end of this year! i'm swear it! :D




ps. sebenernya bukan ini yang mo ditulis... hehe... but for now... ini dulu aja lah... :)